DOSE: check me out.

All the hipster boys and girls check each other out.

stolen: from heavyrockmusic.com

"Subject: hello love

if you have received this message,

it is to inform you that you are an unfortunate member of a clan of douchebags that have come to represent all that is lame in 2008….

…the massive group of quasi-alternative, pseudo-bohemian, no-talent assclowns that have banded together in hopes of conquering the world, and have been multiplying exponentially like some flesh-eating bacteria since 2006/2007. you know who you are: the “djs,” the “nightlife photographers,” the “record label” employees, the “BLOGGERS,” etc, etc. your “lives” consist of traveling to whatever city is “hip” at the moment with a delusional sense of self-importance and perpetual freedom, name-dropping like it’s your job (and let’s face it—it is your job), while doing nothing else in particular.

see, here’s the sad part: maybe at one point you really could have been something, but the reason you all got fucked is because most, if not all of you arrived just a little too late to a scene that was blossoming around early 2005. right as that golden era was coming to a close, a pack of douchebags sprung up from the bowels of LA and you knew at last what you wanted to do with your sad lives. you envied mark hunter (that in itself is pathetic beyond words) and longed to party with the cool kids. you: talentless, (mostly) education-less, (legitimate) job-less…you were just like those kids and knew that you could do what they did, only better. and you set out to do so. all 9,345,924 of you.

at this point some of you are say, “aw HELL naw, i am an OG. i was ‘cool’ back in the day. i was ONE of ‘those kids.’” and to that i say: let’s pretend for a second, just for fun, that you were EVER what an intelligent person would consider genuinely “hip” or even had one mildly unique or intriguing quality about you. ok….and how old are you now, friend?? pushing 30, are you not? over 25 almost definitely. yeaaaah. kill yourself.

and the rest of you say, “but–but– i’m still young! and i’m hot! and i did that remix! and i was in nylon i’ve been to japan blah blah blah blah blah.” save it. save it for one day when you’re telling your bastard grandchildren about that “magical” time in your life and all the cool people you knew and places you went before you and your friends who thought they were famous were thrust into the absolute depths of obscurity in that fateful year of 2009.

then there’s the teeny, tiny, almost unmeasurable fraction of you clowns who were at one point semi-authentic in some small way. but, you sold out. dumbed down. cashed in…well, tried to. the biggest “fuck you” of all goes to you, my friends, because you really might have made it had you not turned out to be a douche after all.

anywho, the point of all this is to warn you….to let you know that, thanks to you, all that was ever truly hip and fresh and pure and young and free and brilliant in the 00s has been perverted…watered down into a mass-marketable product to be consumed by 14 year olds. and the bad news for you is….its all about to end. all about to come crashing down, because there’s about to be a tremendous backlash. i don’t mean a disco-type backlash, where something gradually loses its “cool.” i mean a vanilla ice-type backlash…where almost over night, something once venerated becomes SO hated by the general public with such vengeance that the something is all but obliterated from the face of the earth.

it may not happen immediately, but it will happen soon. so BBM everyone you know, and tell them to enjoy it while they can….to dance like they never danced before, get drunk off their asses and cling to this waning era like its the last remaining shred of their youth. and for many, it is. may God have mercy on what’s left of your soul."